Being the Person You Wish You Had

When I was younger, I always wanted to know someone who read tarot cards. Eventually, I taught myself, because no one came along.

Right now, I’m having to be the honest, compassionate, strong, certain but not too certain, leader I wish I had. It’s very stressful. And I am afraid all the time that I’m fucking up and that it’s going to cost the people who are putting their trust in me.

But there isn’t anyone else to do it.

3 thoughts on “Being the Person You Wish You Had

  1. I think this happens to a lot of us at this age. Middle-aged people are the responsible ones, the ones younger people look to for advice/guidance/comfort/leadership. And it just happens to you, whether you think you are qualified or not. I do not feel qualified. But I end up making decisions, every day, and people assume I know what I’m doing and they are depending on me. Meanwhile, many older people are like “Yeah I’m done, checking out now except for some advice, ya’ll have fun,” and I don’t blame them, but it’s very lonely here.

  2. Sometimes it helps me to run my leader-in-the-breach issues past one or two disinterested, trusted folks. If they are removed from the environment I’m struggling with, even better. I hired a professional coach for this for a few months last year, and it was a good investment. I might save up and do it again. A robust network where formal feedback relationships are in place (I’ll tell you my issue if you tell me yours) can do that also. But, I’m pretty sure this is one of those sincere “you’re doing amazing” situations, if only because you’re showing self-awareness.

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