Aging

A thing I resent, beside Daylight Saving Time, which I am resenting the hell out of today, is that you never know what things are costing you until after you’ve paid it.

I took the dog to a dogwashing place on Saturday and the people there were so genuinely nice and lovely and good to the dog in a way that made me really happy. And I’m sure that part of it is that they’re working in a place where they get to hang out with dogs all the time.

I really like my job. I get to work with really smart people who have been working really hard on a thing and I get to see them at the moment their thing becomes real in the world. That’s awesome.

But I made a lot of compromises I didn’t really understand I was making until I’m now in a position to not make those compromises anymore. And now I can’t help but wonder how those compromises have shaped me.

I’m throwing a 50th anniversary party for my parents. So far, I’ve reserved a place and sent out a bunch of save the date cards. And I’ve heard back from some of their friends and it’s been so nice and so lovely. People really love my parents.

I mean, I really love my parents.

And I sincerely feel like it’s a great gift from the universe to hear all the ways people love my parents.

And yet, I still feel all my feelings about them.

I don’t feel like I’m selling myself out enjoying this part. And I don’t have any desire to “Well, let me tell you a thing or two about them” to people who love them.

I’m just trying to sit comfortably with all my feelings, to give them all room to be valid.

Because, to bring this post full circle, the damn thing is that I’m not going to understand what this shit means until I’m at an age and with a perspective where it’s too damn late anyway.

Ha ha ha. Sigh.

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