I’m making a sig vat in my garage, which, basically, amounts to filling a bucket with pee and hoping it ferments. It smells remarkably bad, which is saying something, since it’s fermenting pee. I expected it to smell bad.
This is worse.
My dad sent me a dollar for my birthday. In a card. He asked me to open it on FaceTime so he could see my face. He was disappointed that I wasn’t more disappointed.
I don’t even know what to say about it, really. Like, apparently they’re also going to pay for me to get a new kitchen floor, though I’m going to ask them to help me pay for this air conditioner repair that I have to get done instead.
So, they’re not being dicks? They’re just pretending real hard to be dicks in a way that lets them enjoy hurting me, but they get to feel cool about it because they know they’re also doing this other thing?
Yesterday they called to say that they would be in town at the end of the week. I was worried about what folks would think of a vat of fermenting piss in my garage, but now?
Now I don’t really give a shit. I hope they think I have lost my mind.
Whenever you talk about your parents I have this knee-jerk reaction, where I want to say all manner of mean things, but then my raising kicks in and it’s like: even if they’re being awful, they’re still her parents and you should keep your comments to yourself (or talk them out quietly elsewhere). You know, it’s fine for you to say those things, but I, as someone who is not you and not a part of the situation, should be quiet and respectful and just listen to you and be supportive instead.
And, you know, I usually listen to that voice in my head (or the voice sitting next to me fretting that I’ll say something offensive or hurt someone’s feelings, since it’s usually my mother pointing it out, as I’m rarely in a place for it to matter without my family these days. And I hate the grammar of that sentence, but I’m not going to change it.), because I am a Nice Person and can express my concerns in a polite, socially appropriate way that conveys my concern and sympathy without touching on anything that might make people uncomfortable.
But fuck that, because your parents are (being) horrible and mean, and they shouldn’t do that. Not just because their behaviors are objectively bad (which they are), but because they hurt you, my friend, a person whom I care about and wish well. I don’t know what their deal is. You’ve talked it through many times in the short while I’ve been back, and I don’t get it. I really don’t.
You are wonderful and smart and strong, and you don’t deserve to be treated the way you are being treated. They should not treat you that way. It is bad that they treat you that way. Good people do not treat others that way, let alone their own kin. You are right to be upset and disappointed, and I am upset and disappointed along with you.
I think the stinking piss-vat is a perfectly fine thing to have around when people come calling where they’re not wanted, intending to do harm. And every time they are around you, they intend to do harm, even if they think of it as a cute joke or a helpful nudge in the direction of proper adulting from their point of view.
(It’s also a perfectly fine thing to have around in your neighborhood, as long as it’s generally downwind and has a ready-to-hand explanation, possibly on an accessibly posted card on the bucket or nearby. Or, you know, just if someone asks.)
Good luck with them, and I’ll send you all the spoons I can muster up to give. And then some, because you need it, and because I declare it so. Virtual hugs, baked goods, and fibercraft materials come with the gift basket too.
Oh, and happy belated birthday!
We can’t add anything here that will make them be less like dicks (pretend or otherwise, although I’m no longer convinced there is a difference with some dicks.)
I really wish we could.
Do you remember the family where the parents were ‘pranking’ (their words, definitely not mine) their children on YouTube?
They lost custody because enough people saw what was happening and Child Protection Services got involved.
If they had never uploaded the videos, hardly anyone would know.
A lot of behaviour goes unchecked.
We know that what they’re doing is wrong.
At least we get to echo that back to you.
I hope the support you get here helps outweigh whatever they do.
PS My neighbour sprays a mixture of fermented nettle leaves on his plants.
It smells like the type of effluent you would imagine found in uncovered ancient Egyptian sewage facilities.
His rhubarb is amazing tho.
Well, first, what Magni said. Second, do not let them into your house. I’m serious. They are people whom you cannot trust to have been social distancing properly. They will have made “just this little” exception and “it was only” that other exception. I genuinely think you need to tell them not to show up, for your physical health as well as mental.