Hemlock Grove

1. I’m more excited for this show than it deserves. Even if it deserved a lot of excitement, I’m more excited than it deserves.

2. Yes, that’s Vampire Eric’s brother, glaring at a werewolf!

3. Which brings up an important question–Do Scandinavians possess werewolf-glaring skills that Americans lack? Is that why we have to import Scandinavians to glower at our werewolves? Is this a skill all Scandinavians have or just the Skarsgards? I’m 1/8th Swedish. Does that give me the ability to effectively side-eye 1/8th of a werewolf? And which 1/8th? Or are my dirty looks only 1/8th as effective as someone fresh from Scandinavian soil? Is this why there are no shows about werewolves set in Minnesota? How can we safely test this theory? Can we hire Joe Manganiello to stand in front of us and judge which one of our stoic looks of mild interest he finds the most disturbing?

3.5 How does that even go? A boy and his mom are sitting at the breakfast table and he’s all, “Well, I’m off to seek my fortune in America, being a werewolf-glarer. I’ll write as soon as I find work.” “You come from a long line of werewolf-glarers, son. Your uncle Ollie once stared down three werewolves at once. Your grandfather saved Stockholm from the Great Werewolf Infestation of ’68 by withering looks alone. Go, and make me proud.”

4. I could laugh about this all day. And Alyssa is going to let me write about it for Think Progress next week.

5. I never thought my “Scandinavia” category would get so much use. But here we are.

In Delightful Scandinavian News

People, who knew I would have another opportunity to use my Scandinavia tag (and to practice spelling Scandinavia correctly)?

And yet, here I am, to report that Norway has not one, but at least, it would appear, two “firewood celebrities.” I mean, you can’t be the biggest Norwegian firewood celebrity unless there’s someone falling a little short of that, right?

And Norway is so small! But the U.S. does not even have one firewood celebrity. Yes, we have Smokey Bear, but he’s more a fire celebrity.

I am making it my personal goal to be the U.S.’s biggest firewood celebrity, even though I have no idea what such a title might require. I will make my Scandinavian ancestors proud, though.

Or not. Ha ha ha.

Scandenavia, Why Must You Delight Me So?

Shall we count the ways? Excluding my favorite gods, we have

1. Trollhunter.

2. Jagannath.

3. First-aid Kit, especially their song about a werewolf.

and now 4. The Great Norway Goat Cheese Fire of ’13.

Let us count the ways this is fucking wonderful!

  1. Who knew cheese could catch on fire?
  2. It burned hot enough to destroy a tunnel.
  3. 2/3 of the men in that story are named Viggo.
  4. “Kjell Bjoern Vinje, of the Norwegian Public Roads Administration, said it was the first time he could remember cheese catching fire on Norwegian roads.”

So, yes, I’m a little bummed that none of the Skaarsgards showed up to glower at me in a sexy manner, but Norway, your goat cheese fire just about makes up for it. In your honor, I have just now added a Scandenavia category to the blog, in case the awesomeness continues.