As usual, my complaint remains that the men’s movement in this culture seems to only care about being forced to pay child support. If I made a post about dead-beat dads, you’d see them descend on this blog like flies on shit.
But you’ve have a thread at Music City Bloggers so misandrous that the only word to describe it is vile, and not a hoot from men so wronged by society. In fact, you have a bunch of men piling on about how much men suck and can’t help but be monsters.
Gentlemen, please, don’t make me take up this cause. My plate is full and you all are grown-ass men. You should be doing this shit yourself.
But, in this case, because it overlaps with my feminist concerns, I’m going to give you some talking points.
1. When conversations about rape look to ascribe some level of responsibility to the victim of the rape, it negates some of the responsibility of the rapist. There’s only 100% responsibility and if you’re saying that the girl has some, let’s say 30%, responsibility, you’re saying that the rapist has only 70% responsibility. Is the rapist brain damaged or developmentally disabled in such a way that he does not know right from wrong? If not, then he’s just a regular guy. If he’s just a regular guy, but he’s not fully responsible for his actions, what’s that say about all regular guys? That none of y’all are fully responsible for your actions. And why?
The implication seems to be that it’s just something inherent to being a man. Y’all cannot help it because you are such fucked up, broken, evil messes.
(On a side note, my deepest fear for y’all is that you believe this. I sometimes wonder if this is not why you put such emphasis on being needed–you fear that, because you are such broken, fucked up, evil messes no one would choose to be with you if they didn’t feel in some way forced to, in most cases, by necessity.)
2. If someone generalized about any other group that way–that they were monsters who couldn’t be held wholly responsible if they raped a girl–you would recognize it for the bigotry it is. Why are you letting this shit slide? Speak up!
3. It’s crucial, not just for y’all, but for us, that you speak up when you hear anyone spouting this shit. And why? Because rape is an act of misogyny. It’s about showing your victim that you hate or fear her so much that you’ll use an act (sticking your penis in her vagina) that should be one of the most pleasurable experiences she has to hurt her, that you hate or fear her so much you have to get inside her to show it.
By virtue of the fact that rapists hate or fear women, the likelihood that we’ll be effective when we tell them not to rape us or other women is slim and none.
So, who are rapists or potential rapists going to listen to? Y’all. And there are a lot more of you than there are of them. The peer pressure you should be able to exert is enormous. If you decided that, instead of talking about the importance of scoring and how many partners you’ve had and whether you managed to get laid at the party of Friday, you were going to talk about how great it was when that hot girl asked you if you wanted to fuck or how big a man you are because you made her come multiple times or how it proves you’re a real man if you have sex with one girl multiple times instead of multiple girls only once, your peers would change their behavior.
You could tell yourselves a different story about what it means to be men. That way, when a guy and a girl start drinking at a party and they’re both digging each other, he says, long before she’s drunk, “Should we go up to my room?” or, if he passes by a room and sees a girl asleep in a bed, he doesn’t think “Ooh, easy score! Won’t my brothers think I’m hot shit for nailing her,” he’ll think, “I should go find someone whose going to scream ‘yes’ loud enough to wake the whole house.” That way, when guys see their friend with a girl who they all know is too drunk to give consent, they don’t laugh and high-five him as he drunkenly stumbles with her to his room; instead, they send him off in search of a more sober parnter and find her friends to walk her home.
You all have to make rape seem socially unacceptable and good consensual sex the stuff of bragging rights.
I mean, please. I know how much you love to razz each other. Think of the opportunities this presents:
You: So, how’d it go with that girl last night?
You: Really? That’s funny, because I didn’t hear a thing. Maybe you suck in bed.
Him: No way, dude. She was totally into it. [Ha, I guess you have a surfer fraternity brother.]
You: I’m just saying. I thought we’d hear her enjoying herself if you were really all that.
See how that works? You get to give your buddy shit and reinforce the notion that good sex is sex that’s pleasurable for both partners and it kind of makes you a loser if that’s not your goal when you’re fucking.
If all normal guys had that attitude, things would be a lot better for us girls.
And, when things are better for us girls, those of us who like to fuck boys go out looking for boys to fuck. So, it’s like a great circle of happiness for everyone.
So, don’t sit idly by when this crap is being spouted. Stand up for yourselves!