Oh, Music City Center People, Stop Trying to Help!

Oh, god.  Seriously, who wrote this piece of shit?

“We’re going to have wood in the ball room because guitars are made out of wood.”

“We’re going to have a giant instrument play on the hour!  But we can’t tell you what kind, because we’re just making shit up!”

“Seriously, all the hip kids call that road that comes off the Gateway Bridge ‘KVB.’  No, really.”

“We’re not going to show you an example of the kind of art Nashville puts up in its round-abouts because we’re controversial enough as it is.  We don’t need the Baptists out at Two Rivers on our cases because we showed shots of naked dancing people.”

My absolute favorite part is the wavy roof.  I mean, sure, you see a lot of wavy roofs in Nashville, but that’s because we’ve got 10% unemployment and people can’t afford to get them fixed.  But it appears that the people who designed the Music City Center thought that was just trendy.  Oops.  But you could sell people on that roof if you opened it to sledding on the rare occassions we get snow.  Or maybe put a series of Slip & Slides on it?

Here’s the thing.  It’s ugly.  No amount of sentences that are some variation of “[Something that has to do with Nashville] inspired [something to do with the MCC] and that’s just how the citizens of Nashville want it” is going to fix that.  Sure, maybe there are people who look at this video and say, “Well, at least it’s not the typical rusty-rose brick and sand and glass look every other new building around here has.”  Okay, maybe even I am one of those people.

But it’s still ugly.

And serves to confirm that we are indeed the Home for Wayward Architecture.

Shoot, maybe it’s time to stop fighting that designation and just embrace it.

Think of how much fun it would be if every architect had to find some way to make their building as uniquely strange and ugly as possible before it was allowed to be built here…  I bet people would watch a lot more of the zoning commission meetings.

“You want to put up a strip mall?  But where are the monkey bars?  And I see no place in your plans for an open air toilet!  Or a kissing booth.  No, go back to the drawing board.”

It’d be good fun.

14 thoughts on “Oh, Music City Center People, Stop Trying to Help!

  1. I would have more sympathy but I live in Seattle, home of the Experience Music Project. If that’s the ugliest thing they can come up with they aren’t trying very hard. :)

  2. Estimates for the new convention center started at around $500 million. Estimates are now in the $640 million range.

    2/3 of a billion dollars for that gargantuan excerpt from a drunkard’s nightmare? And in the middle of a deep recession?

    There aren’t enough “you are so Nashville if” editions of the Scene to spoof that brand of home-grown idiocy.

  3. sure, you see a lot of wavy roofs in Nashville, but that’s because we’ve got 10% unemployment and people can’t afford to get them fixed.

    LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. OK I watched the video. I don’t know if the wavy roof has anything to do with the green roof concept (probably not, I’m being charitable), but I don’t out and out hate it. I personally love green roofs, though in Norway they are all flat.

    I don’t think the building is that ugly, at least not the exterior, at least, not from the drawings. But the “giant musical instrument that plays on the hour” sounds a little hackneyed and for crying out loud roundabouts are a fucking DISASTER in this city, no one in this Nashville knows how to drive around them. What do you think this is, France?

    Roundabouts suck, coming and going, I’m told the greatest source of lunchtime amusement for ASCAP employees during CMA Festival time is watching the bloodbath that is the Music Row Roundabout.

    Just give up on Roundabouts already. People in this city can’t drive for shit anyway, and you Roundabouts just make it worse.

    Oh, and what the hell is the KVB?

  5. I was just at the EMP a bunch this past week. I happen to think it’s lovely, in the sense of having the courage of its own design, however outrageous. And I actually like it as a part of downtown seen from a distance. But this … this thing is typically Nashville in the way it’s so inoffensive yet ugly, so safe because so trivial. I tell you what: you can have it and we’ll take the EMP here.

  6. The open air toilet is what made me literally laugh out loud. Is there an internet acronym for Guffawing Until I Woke Up the Baby and Also Wet My Pants?

  7. GUIWUTBAAWMP – simple really.

    And I have actually used an open air toilet (well the whole bathroom was outside actually) at a hotel I stayed at in India. They were considerate enough to put up a high wall around it.

  8. Noooo! No. I hope not. I’d hate for people to give up reading Tiny Cat Pants just so they can stand around staring at the convention center.

  9. Ok maybe I’m just oblivious, but what/where the hell is Korean Veterans Boulevard? Is there maybe another name that it goes by? And I don’t mean KVB.

    Also, the thing is hugongous. What all would they end up having to tear down to make room for it? Metro Center? Or will this turn into another Metro Center in 10 years?

  10. It’s the spur connecting the new Shelby St. Bridge with 4th Ave S near that fancy new Hampton Inn.

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